Stressed, Depressed – two words that perfectly describe my life right now. Whenever I wake up each morning, I no longer yearn to get myself out of the bed and be excited of the things that lies ahead. The smile in my face every morning is no longer there because thinking of my insane schedule makes me want to hibernate and sleep again, like “just to make this day over”. Whenever I am at school, going home is my only motivation. Finishing the class is my only goal. I know it sounds bad, but it feels like the soul of the passion inside of me is slowly sinking, shrinking, helplessly dying. How could I finish my race with this kind of perception? How would I be able to chase success if I don’t have healthy mind and winning attitude? “Mind over matter” ruined.
I spend my days for this semester walking like a zombie. Few hours of sleep if I’m lucky (rarely), hunched shoulders because of all the stress and heavy load in my bag, blank stare to wherever I may be at, sometimes or usually not aware what’s happening around. I know it sounds bad. Is it wrong to feel this way? Being stuck in routine where you no longer even have the chance to do the things you used to?
Over thinking is kind of my bad habit. All those grades I need to pull up. The piles of chapters I know I’ll never be able to finish in one night. Exams I need to take I know I might probably fail at. People say “It’s all in the mind”. How could you answer that when even your mind is not in the right disposition anymore? I know it sounds bad, But it feels like my mind is no longer able to keep up with the fast race I am taking. My body does somehow, but my mind could not.
I am on my knees praying to God, helplessly on my tears, asking for mercy. “Lord, my God, I am not asking for too much. I know You put me in this race because you know I can do this. And You only wanted me to have my FAITH, to believe that everything will be fine in the end though I don’t see any of it. But Father, please give me motivation. Help me become persistent, determined and focused on the goal I am about to finish. I know it is not easy, it will never be. So I ask for strength to surpass all of it. As I know everything will be worth it in the end, help me fill my Love Tank, and fuel me up with the burning passion for my future dreams. I know You are with me. Hand in hand, we can do this. Thank you, Lord. You are my cornerstone.”
Step by step, I am changing. This stress only proves that I have a life to conquer and I still have goals to achieve. This trials shows how strong I am or I may be and how brave I could be in facing the storm.
I already am. I always was, and I still have time to be.