Stressed and Blessed

Stressed, Depressed – two words that perfectly describe my life right now. Whenever I wake up each morning, I no longer yearn to get myself out of the bed and be excited of the things that lies ahead. The smile in my face every morning is no longer there because thinking of my insane schedule makes me want to hibernate and sleep again, like “just to make this day over”. Whenever I am at school, going home is my only motivation. Finishing the class is my only goal. I know it sounds bad, but it feels like the soul of the passion inside of me is slowly sinking, shrinking, helplessly dying. How could I finish my race with this kind of perception? How would I be able to chase success if I don’t have healthy mind and winning attitude? “Mind over matter” ruined.

I spend my days for this semester walking like a zombie. Few hours of sleep if I’m lucky (rarely), hunched shoulders because of all the stress and heavy load in my bag, blank stare to wherever I may be at, sometimes or usually not aware what’s happening around. I know it sounds bad. Is it wrong to feel this way? Being stuck in routine where you no longer even have the chance to do the things you used to?

Over thinking is kind of my bad habit. All those grades I need to pull up. The piles of chapters I know I’ll never be able to finish in one night. Exams I need to take I know I might probably fail at. People say “It’s all in the mind”. How could you answer that when even your mind is not in the right disposition anymore? I know it sounds bad, But it feels like my mind is no longer able to keep up with the fast race I am taking. My body does somehow, but my mind could not.

I am on my knees praying to God, helplessly on my tears, asking for mercy. “Lord, my God, I am not asking for too much. I know You put me in this race because you know I can do this.  And You only wanted me to have my FAITH, to believe that everything will be fine in the end though I don’t see any of it. But Father, please give me motivation. Help me become persistent, determined and focused on the goal I am about to finish. I know it is not easy, it will never be. So I ask for strength to surpass all of it. As I know everything will be worth it in the end, help me fill my Love Tank, and fuel me up with the burning passion for my future dreams. I know You are with me. Hand in hand, we can do this. Thank you, Lord. You are my cornerstone.”

Step by step, I am changing. This stress only proves that I have a life to conquer and I still have goals to achieve. This trials shows how strong I am or I may be and how brave I could be in facing the storm.

I already am. I always was, and I still have time to be.

10 Reasons Why Medical Graduates Should Aim To Do Internship at the University of the Philippines – Philippine General Hospital (UP-PGH).

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems on your own. You do not blame them on anyone or anything. You realize that you can control your own destiny.” – Albert Ellis

I was asked by a certain person if I do believe in destiny. A deep thinker that I am, I didn’t answer the question in which my perception would be seen. Instead, I bounced back to the conversation saying “what is destiny? Is it something you hold on to?” The answer wasn’t answered and the thought just kept on circling my mind, bouncing, striking my inner soul ’til I searched the word “destiny” on Google. These are some of the definitions I got from my searching:

1. Destiny or fate is a predetermined course of events. (Wikipedia)

2.  It may be conceived as a predetermined future, whether in general or of an individual. (Wikipedia)

3. A predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency. ( Merriam Webster)

As I went into different websites, I became more aware of how people think it is, but also how they profoundly they define it as well.

As I read more articles regarding “Fate” and “Destiny”, I just end up getting more questions from my inner self and just end up in non-stop debate between the two sides of every confusion, curiosity and reasoning. How one is able to determine other person’s future, thinking that each of us has mind of its own? How will you know what will happen and determine the outcomes, knowing that the future is so uncertain? Do they consider free will? How does Change and Control affects the “destiny”? Will you believe if they tell what will happen to you in the future?

People have different notion about it. Others believe in it; Others do not. And as I click some links of different photos regarding the subject, I like what I saw and it says….

“Fate is what you are given; destiny is what you make of it.”

Make your choices wisely.

Life Tricks 2048 Puzzle Game Would Teach You

“The most addictive puzzle game!” – Google Playstore

I was hooked the moment I played it. Gamer and strong-willed in nature, I spent the first few hours playing,  wanting to prove that I could beat this game. However, as time goes by, with frustration at hand, – determination flared down, focus already scattered, and interest went away – I realized that this game could offer much logic rather than the mind tricks it offers in getting the 4-digit number in tile. This puzzle even taught me tricks how to live a better life.

1. You have to start something, start the game. – No matter where you are, you have to start doing something. You have to take a stand and initiate and prove that you can do and make wonderful things and even if you fail, at least you did try.
2. Make a move. – Life doesn’t wait for anybody, and time won’t stop just because you don’t. Take the action. Make a move.
3. Choose wisely. – What happens next? Where do you plan to go from where you are? Now, you are here. Tomorrow, where you’ll be? Which direction would you choose? Is it a left or a right? Choose wisely.
4. Value decisions. Before taking any actions, you have to think of what might it bring to you. Is it more tiles which lessen out the space and make you feel suffocated? or a tile of space to keep you from moving?Decide for yourself.
5. Lessen the burdens. Don’t complicate things. Don’t add another number if you can’t handle it anymore. Less is more. Less numbers, more space. Less burdens, More freedom.
6. Take one at a time. You only have one brain and one heart. Splitting them into half causes you inattention, no focus, and pure confusion. By thinking you can multitask and do everything all at once doesn’t guarantee you a brighter tomorrow. Yes, maybe you are done, but it is not finished. Do it step-by-step. Take one at a time.
7. Stand for what you truly believe. Don’t mind other people saying what you do is not right. Do not be compelled to do something just because they told you so. If you believe in something, embrace it. If you think it would work, do it. do not take second-thoughts, just move the tile. It is your game, anyway.
8. Aspire for the best.  Do not think you cannot do it. Always believe that you are capable of doing anything. You can reach your goal. You can reach the line. You can be what you wanted to be. You can live your dreams. You can be the newest 2048 puzzle winner.
9. Look at the bigger picture. The problem with most people is they fail to see the bigger picture. They only focus on “what is” rather than “why” and “what for”. When you can’t debunk what stresses you out, take a deep breath. There are 4 corners in the puzzle. Why focus on just one? There is more to life than just a crap of stress.
10. Never lose faith. Keep on moving. Keep on striving. Even though you don’t know what will happen next, believe in yourself. Believe that it would work out. There’s no point in stopping now, isn’t it? Play it good.  Play it well.
11. Never give up. When you feel there’s no other way around, just continue on grinding ’til you find another way out. When you think there is no better move, remember that it is okay to pause for a while, regain your wits, renew your strength and take a break but never ever, ever, give up.
12. Enjoy the game. Though life is hard and full of crap, never fail to see the good in it. Enjoy each moment and seized it as if it is your last. Game is made to be played and enjoyed, so is Life is made to be lived. . and enjoyed.

If you are able to solve the puzzle, I’m not sure. But then, that’s a game,  either you win or lose it. we just have different view on what being a winner means. Is it only about having the 2048 inside the tile? Well, that’s for you to answer. I can just play it  again if I want to.

“You can do anything anybody else’s can. ONLY YOU CAN DO IT BETTER. ” – Gifted Hands, Ben Carson Story

Among all the famous quotations one has to encounter in watching a movie, this one from the Ben Carson’s story really marks in my mind, like a food for thought, straight to the heart.

Like a bullet straight to the target, it shoots right through me the dose of motivation I need in conquering my fears, pursuing my goals, and finishing my race. Over thinker and paranoid that I am, it is in my nature to have negative thoughts and be taken aback in  the situation I’m in. I always think that I’m not good enough for this, I can’t do this, I don’t deserve this, this thing would be just temporary. But after watching the movie, I feel like I am renewed. I am more determined, more dedicated and more passionate about my work.

Thank you, Ben Carson. Thank you for the gift of motivation you have given us just because you fight for your what you want and you made sure that you would call this God-given existence a well lived life

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Writing as Breathing

 In a span of many years, I’ve tried to set on different style, thinking I could do it. I thought this instinct would definitely be gone when you ignore it or when you suppress it. But No, it wasn’t.  No matter how hard you tried to keep the paper and pen away, the more your mind generates ideas. Clicking and linking, turning something into something beautiful just by staring at car’s window or by listening to someone’s story. It is like the grasp of air ever got for someone drowning in a sea of inevitable experiences. Indeed, writing, in any way, is breathing. Breathing from all the intoxicating and endless dramas of life. Gulping fresh air from all the pressures, worries and troubles.

With all the tear-jerker life has to offer, I’ve decided to stop keeping away from what inspires me. I stop thinking that my life would be better without it because truly, it isn’t. I’ve decided that no matter what happen, I will write. No matter where I’m in, I will write. I will write my heart out until all the love and passion inside me flare up to all the people I pour my soul into. And I wish, oh how I wish, that by writing my heart out, they will set down theirs, too.